In this episode of Yours Truly, I sit down with Nick—better known as Free Rilian—for a longform conversation about growing up in small-town Illinois, navigating revival culture, and trying to find God in the middle of depression, disappointment, and spiritual confusion.

Nick shares his deeply personal story—from early days in a charismatic church and the soul-numbing pressures of purity culture, to chasing identity through performance, ministry, and eventually the promise of healing at Bethl’s School of Supernatural Ministry. Along the way, we talk about Jordan Peterson, fatherhood, the haunting beauty of old family land, and the surprising grace of Anglican liturgy.

This isn’t a hot take. It’s a testimony. Honest, funny, raw, and full of the ache for something real.

Timestamps:

00:00 – Intro & Who is Free Rilian?

03:20 – Growing up in revival-town Illinois

06:45 – Pentecostal roots, prophetic women, and family salvation stories

13:50 – The quiet wound of an absent father in church

19:00 – Porn, shame, and the moralistic trap

29:00 – “What if she breaks up with me?” – High school heartbreak and the descent

34:00 – “God, I want to do this your way” – prayer and a slow climb back

36:00 – Worship as David’s harp in the dark

40:00 – Years at Bethl: chasing healing in the charismatic machine

48:00 – Discovering Peterson, truth-telling, and deconstruction

54:00 – Making the leap in a St. Louis restaurant

58:00 – Working as a janitor, listening to every Peterson lecture

1:03:00 – Sacraments, symbols, and the real presence of God

1:08:00 – Why Nick became Anglican

1:14:00 – Apostles Creed & Chill

1:18:00 – Local life, home, family, and the death of small towns

1:27:00 – On Midwest estuary and the TLC subculture

1:32:00 – Holding onto land, family legacy, and resisting fragmentation

1:40:00 – What we lose when everything becomes fair

1:50:00 – From synths to sacraments: reclaiming tradition

1:58:00 – Final reflections

Mentioned:

– Jordan Peterson

– Jonathan Pageau

– Paul VanderKlay

– Matt C

– Bethel Redding / BSSM

– Apostles Creed Bar & Chill

– Midwestuary 2025

https://www.midwestuary.com/

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